The Squids started off in the usual awesome manner, by getting 6 quick
outs. (6 up, 6 down) About 5 of those outs were grounders fielded by
DONRUSS.

At bat, the Squids rocked just as hard. Nothing fancy, just grounders
hit through the holes in the infield. BUBBLE KING, MANNY FRESH, and
KRUKKER all got on base with their perfectly placed grounders. The
only way they could stop us was by switching DR. DOCTOR’ s wooden bat
with a metal bat. Robbing him of the homerun he hit, and replacing
it with an out.

It was during the top of the 5th (or maybe the 7th) that I stole the
game ball from DONRUSS, who up to this point had made play after play
with pinpoint precision. At one point, DONRUSS just looked at some
girl from the other team, she fell, enabling him to tag her out.

Now, some might think what happened next was excessive.
Unfortunately, the bitter taste of defeat sometimes causes people to
do ridiculous things (not everyone lives by the Squid Code). Anyways,
there were two outs and Jerk-face is up to bat (I don’t know his real
name). He hits it into the outfield. DR. DOCTOR runs after it and
relays it into DONRUSS. As Jerk-face rounds third, DONRUSS throws
the ball to me right in front of home plate. But before I could turn
to tag the runner, I am tackled. Despite, being knocked down, I
still got the out, ending the game.

The ref let have our last at bats due to the outrageous actions of the
other team. In the end we won. (duh!)

–OBLIVIA

[Many thanks to DR. DOCTOR for doing some much-appreciated guest-Squidwork at first base and in the outfield, and congratulations-a-plenty to OBLIVIA on her injury-or-no-injury gameball win in Tuesday's startling slaughter of a game by the Squids. --PANCAKE MASTER, #88]

(and here are some pictures taken by COOLHAND at a different, perhaps earlier? game, at Tower Grove Park, to accompany this post)

It’s true, they can hear. Officially.

(Forgive me if Squid-Ball.com becomes the new Squid.us of sorts [it won't], but that site is no longer operational.)

Hi Squids, greets from the Pacific Northwest, I hope you have not forgotten me.

Over time I’ve had multiple inquiries about incorporating more than one Flickr account in the photo badge on the right. Today I saw they have added the ability to pull photos from a group instead of just one account. So I created a Squids Flickr group. If you have Flickr, please join!

http://www.flickr.com/groups/squids/

– Janternet #44

Squids D. MIKE and DONRUSS brought this one to my attention separately, I figured I may as well post’r:

Bar Owner Cannot Fucking Believe He Actually Sponsored An Adult Kickball Team

A truer-than-comfortable indictment of the rampant douchery so prevalent in organized kickball leagues.  Pretty funny.  Check the dateline especially!

PANCAKE MASTER, #88

This Tuesday even tide down at the Tower Grove ball yards, that mighty squad, the Squids, gave their adversaries a lambasting heretofore unheard of in the annals of soft base-ball. Yes sir, the little shavers were lined up at the center field fence just to get a peek through the knothole at those mighty gladiators, the Squidball Nine. Their opponents this evening were a team of riff raff, gypsys, and ne’er-do-wells cobbled together from clubs too afraid of the rain to put forth a proper team. On the mound for the Squids as usual was ace knuckleballer, COOLHAND, who polished off her tenth-consecutive shutout, a record in the Black Thorn Saloon League. She sent many a hobo back to the flophouse with his tail between his legs eliciting hoots and hollers from the assembled masses. Who could forget the mighty socks of the old horsehide by journeyman DONRUSS and first-bagger CHUNSLIN or the mustachioed SWITCHBLADE’s gallop through the slop to retire one of the few opposing vagrants able to launch a ball past the infield? Short-stop KRUKKER made a mighty leap into the heavens to pull down the rock into his mitt on a hot clothesline to his right. In the fourth inning, one of the opposing brutes ineptly chucked a sizzler to home plate, beaning MMM-MMM in the rump as she sailed past, scoring run number 23,245. The ensuing rhubarb ended with this good-for-nothing layabout being promptly sent Kansas City-way on a rail. How about those proxy Squids, JOHN, stellar on defense, and TRUCKEY, a whiz with the lumber. Lastly, after the final tally showed the Squids victorious at 230,167 — 0, and the vanquished made their way to their squalid lean-tos, the victors made their way to the saloon for celebratory sasparilla and spirits, and the clan bid a fond farewell to backstop JANTERNET, on her way to rest and repose in the hinterlands of the Oregon Territory.

-KRUKKER

[When cleared the dust and ballyhoo, more apparent than ever t'were indeed that the honourable KRUKKER was to receive the spoils of said corken-ball representative of the match as a whole and the according glory of journalistic representation afforded all those gone hitherto and hereafter. Good on you, chap! --MAESTRO OF THE JOHNNYCAKES, #88]

A message appeared on my answering machine last night while I was Squidbowling, and there was a lot of noise in the background but I think the gist of it was this:

Squidbowler and SquiDarter BOB (Squidname TBA) won a blind draw tournament and a sweet $25 cash prize last night at Blueberry Hill. Way to SQUID IT, Bob!

–PANCAKE MASTER, #88

I believe ECK is outta town, so I will fill in and give you the ABCs of last week’s ToGro game.

Amazing work was done all over the place by the Squids.  Before the game even started, you knew it was going to be hot.   CHUNSLIN had the clamp-down on many a play at 1B.  Dare I mention the mis-called play at the plate involving yours truly?  ECK managed a sweet virtual double play while at 2B, which ultimately won her the gameball.  Fellers got to try out the brand new Squidbat, a sleek black Louisville Slugger Chicago-model.  Gaggles of Squidfans made the trek out to ToGro.  Hailing down on the Pub Crawlers wast the mighty Squid power.  I‘ve never seen a more dumbfounded team.  Just think of their faces, mouths agape and eyes glazed-over!  Kids and grown-ups both knew what it was to be Squidliminated that day.  Let me be the first to congratulate all Squids on a most righteous victory.  Many have indeed attempted, and all have fallen in the wake of Squidxecution.  Next came Black Thorn for the usual free pitcher.  Oh yeah!  Pizza, too, of course.  Quickly was it devoured, and Squids and Squidfans present decided to move on.  Realizing the night was dwindling fast and no singing had yet taken place, karaoke seemed the next logical stop.  Skedaddling to Maplewood and the Tex-Mex karaoke stylings of El Scorcho was the order given.  Talayna’s may have spoiled me.  Underrepresented were essentially all artists in the book.  Video screens smaller than 10″ should never be used for karaoke, by the way.  When it got late, the selections dwindled even more.  X-rated versions of Bob Dylan songs ought be disallowed, that’s for sure.  You can bet I’ll be back at Talayna’s next time I seek a post-Squidgame (or other) karaoke fix.  Zapped the competition once again, though, Squids–good show all around.

PANCAKE MASTER - #88

Basically it was one of the most fun Squidtimes ever had, which is saying a ton, and if you missed it you’re a huge turkey.  Special props to fill-in canine Squid AIR LENNY for besting the competition.

PANCAKE MASTER - #88

Monday, May 18th

Squid Domination Continues, Winning Streak Now At 3 Years, 8 Months, 5 Days

FOREST PARK, ST. LOUIS, MO - The opponents come and go. Different venues host the competitions. Officiating crews vary. And yet the victories continue to pour in.

Pitchers COOLHAND and SWITCHBLADE combined to throw the 16th perfect game in Squid history, slugger SAK twice belted three homeruns in a single inning, and shortstop DONRUSS scored the team’s historic 1,000,000th run in a crushing, yet seemingly commonplace victory for the Squids over rival Ball Bustaz.

“You don’t ever want to take this group for granted,” said Squid first baseman CHUNSLIN between celebratory smokes. “It’s just such a special collection of people.”

Not once was the outcome of the game in doubt. The Squids, riding a near four year winning streak, entered the contest as possibly The Greatest Recreational League Softball Team ever. The Ball Bustaz entered as losers of two of their last three games.

“I’d like to say it was embarrassing losing by six figures,” said an unidentified Ball Busta. “But the fact that we even got to take the field with such a legendary franchise - wow!”

The Squids burst out of the gate with crushing drives by JENNIE and MOTORBOAT, capped off by BUBBLE KING’s bases-clearing homer. Later innings saw defensive gems at third base by SUB A DUB and at second by LIZ, even despite uniform malfunctions. These efforts guaranteed that the winning streak that started on September 13th, 2005 would continue on.

“I’ve been here since the beginning [of the team],” said founding father Squid DONRUSS. “I’ve seen the highs as well as the… well, there’s really only been highs. I just feel so lucky to be a part of it all.” DONRUSS then broke down emotionally and had to be consoled by Squid outfielder BEASTOR-X.

Next up is a June 1st contest versus Mike Duffy’s, a team that has only known defeat at the hands of the Squids.

“You don’t ever want to be too overconfident coming into a game because in this league anybody can beat anybody on any given night,” stated Squid staff ace COOLHAND. “But if history tells us anything, it’s that you shouldn’t fight a land war in Asia and you shouldn’t expect to beat the Squids. We’ll see what happens.”

DONRUSS is a founding Squid father, frequent Squid commentator and shortstop, and award-winning AP columnist.

[Since he won the gameball for this game, DONRUSS did the write-up above.  When you win the gameball, you too will get to do the write-up! --PANCAKE MASTER]