Three point eight inches. The diameter of a softball. Games and championships are decided by less than this margin. The two strike sinker from COOLHAND dropped into the dirt behind home plate after the mighty swing and whiff of the six foot, two hundred and fifty pound batter missed the ball by a full three point eight inches, maintaining the zero-zero tie ballgame.

That was the third out of the top of the first inning. In the subsequent half-inning, the Squids opened up a twenty run lead after CHUNSLIN smashed a five run homer to deep left field, scoring MANNY FRESH, PAYNIS, JENNIE and BEASTOR-X, who scored from his post as third base coach.

Further highlights included: MOTORBOAT scoring from first on a expertly placed suicide squeeze by JENNIE (and a gutsy call by the PANCAKE MASTER); SAK calling his shot à la Babe Ruth on a bloop single to left (the shotcall even included an impressive rainbow motion) and OBLIVIA’s triple to right, which drove in BEASTOR-X and drove an entire (Cherokee) Nation to demand a curtain call. OBLIVIA was called out at home plate on PAYNIS‘ single despite beating the throw home by a stride.

The SQUIDBONG! had to sit the game out on the bench with a right oblique strain, or so we were informed by SWITCHBLADE, who was filling in as team doctor after regular team physicians Dr. Zaius, Dr. Feelgood and Dr. Pepper were paged to their respective ERs after a ferry accident. SWITCHBLADE offered to perform emergency personality transplants on the opposing team, who declined because they believed the procedure might interfere with their softball fundamentals.

The SQUIDS will look to add another game to their seven game division lead next Monday night.

-SAK, #71