It was a particularly bright and muggy Tuesday afternoon. Sweat dripped from the brows of every Squid as they took their positions on the field. We had little Squids to spare, but we had just what we needed. On what might have been the worst of fields the Squids had ever played on that season, magic began to take place. Stunning plays by PAYNIS at first base paired with glorious catches by all-star pitcher COOLHAND to shut out the first inning, I knew these opposing chumps were in for a treat.

As we made our way in to bat, crowds of fans cheered from the stands holding signs saying, “Squidball or bust!” and “I want to have your baby PANCAKE MASTER!” and “GO SQUIDS!” SWITCHBLADE decided to bust out his favorite crowd pleaser as he made his way in, a double cartwheel, triple axle, summersault with a roll and tuck to finish. The crowd’s cheers could be heard for miles.

Our first at bat we scored an incredible 456 runs. DONRUSS made an impressive 75 home runs, but that didn’t top BUBBLE KING’s 201 RBIs. We had a slight lead after the first but we knew we would have to remain focused if we were going to win this one.

The game continued on as we shut out the opposing team in the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th and 6th innings. As we took the field for the 7th we knew we had to play like we had never played before. We lead 3,987 to nothing and knew at any moment our opposing team could clench it in this final inning. The first at bat hit a line drive to right field, MMM-MMM acted fast, stopped it midfield and threw to 2nd to keep the runner from advancing. The crowd now began to chant, “Lets go Squ-ids, lets go!” (clap-clap) “Lets go Squ-ids, lets go!” (clap-clap).

The second batter was up. The outfield moved in and took their positions. The batter hit an unexpected pop up far into center field and KRUKKER was on the move. He dove, right arm extended into the grassy terrain to successfully catch the ball, popped right back up and threw to PAYNIS as the runner slid to first and what a play by PAYNIS and KRUKKER!  A beautiful two out at bat and we were ready for the last out.

COOLHAND pulled out her ol’ crazy eye of intimidation trick as the batter took his plate. Although no one has ever successfully gotten on base after the ol’ crazy eye of intimidation trick, the batter maintained a collectiveness that gave every Squid the chills. We knew we had to be at the top of our game for what we hoped was the last at bat. The first pitch was thrown, “STeeeeeRike!” called the ump. I sighed in relief. The second pitch was thrown, a monstrous crack and pop and the ball was sent soaring into left field. Everyone was on their toes as we awaited the outcome of this bombastic hit. PANCAKE MASTER leapt high into the air, higher than any human has ever leapt before, and the catch was heavenly. I’m convinced to this day that PANCAKE MASTER was given wings for that catch. The crowd was silent. The squids were silent. MANNY FRESH dropped her glove and slowly began to clap. Then SWITCH began to clap. Then MMM MMM. Soon every Squid was clapping, then the crowd was clapping, then the opposing team was clapping, everyone staring in awe! Everyone in Tower Grove Park that day was cheering for this momentous catch in left field! Tears were rolling down the cheeks of every Squid as we ran to congratulate our teammate.

We celebrated by guzzling beer out of the tubes of our mascot. Just another win for the best team in softball…

My sincerest apologizes to PANCAKE MASTER for taking so [expletive deleted!] long to get this emailed to you. And to everyone else who had to wait on my behalf.

-DES, #27